Friday, August 14, 2009

Dear So and So....Numero Tres

I know that you just couldn't wait any longer. It's time for another installment of "Dear So and So." Perhaps I'll start a mini "So and So" marathon.

Dear Ju Ju,

I know you believe that those red bumps on mommy's and daddy's faces are mosquito bites. Often times that is the case, but once in awhile our faces and those of teens and adults around the globe break out causing pangs of stress, anger, bitterness, and shame. When your first pimple arrives one day in the distant future understand that we've all been there. Dermatologists don't recommend that you "put the squeeze on the zit" so to speak. This may leave permanent scars on your face.

My advice, don't listen to the doctors. The ONLY good thing about having a zit is running into the bathroom, peering into the mirror, zeroing in on the bugger and squeezing it into oblivion! Crap I probably said too much. You're only five. Hope I didn't traumatize you.

Love,

R.E. Dad
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Dear Honda Corporation,

The sticker mentioned that my '09 Pilot would probably get 22 MPG's on the highway and 16 MPG's. I realize that this is JUST an estimate, but if I drive exclusively in the city I get about 12 MPG's. That isn't too good or even close to 16 MPG's. Back when I spoke with your salesman, he liked to discuss the engine's ability to switch to three cylinders to enhance fuel efficiency, etc. I just want you to know that I'm now feeling disappointed and a bit mislead.

Perhaps you should mention that the 22/16 figure applies only when the vehicle is on cruise control and set at 50 miles per hour or coasting down a hill for the entire tank of gas. Maybe, you should add another category to highway/city.....the suburb which would include an even lower figure to account for frequent stops at school, gunning it around town to complete errands and idling in the drive thru.

Just a suggestion,

R.E. Dad
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Dear President Obama,

You're not fooling anyone with your Universal Health care ideas. Why don't you fix social security, medicaid and medicare before even considering embarking on this endeavour?

R.E. Dad

5 comments:

Aunt Juicebox said...

Come by my blog, there's torment there for you in the form of a tag. ;)

Maybe you should start a Dear Triplets advice journal and give it to them to read when they are older.

Kat said...

Last letter, Amen.

Maggie May said...

ach acne

Badass Geek said...

Acne is fun, isn't it?

phd in yogurtry said...

because seriously, who wants to look at those whiteheads that are on the verge of popping at any minute? conscientious acne suffers must pop, mustn't they?