Friday, February 20, 2009

Dad Chokes Under Pressure

Today was THAT day in the life of my oldest child. A right of passage so to speak for the elementary school student. Yes, today Bren's 5th grade class had the S-E-X talk. Mom MD and I were under the impression that the discussion (for girls) would deal with the menstrual cycle and various products required to meet those demands for "that time of the month." You can see that I'm NOT in my comfort zone here, so bear with me.

Here's a excerpt from our conversation as I picked her up from school.

Bren: "I had a good day"
R.E. Dad: "Good, glad to hear it...let's go get some yogurt"
Bren: Pulls out "the package" of female health products
R.E. Dad: "Oh, you had your health talk did it go?"
Bren: "Great, but they also told us how babies are made....SO GROSS"
R.E. Dad: Caught way off guard and making a face "Ewwww"
Bren: "Dad, if you think that it's so gross, why do you do it with Mom?"
R.E. Dad: Gulp...."So how was the rest of your day?"

From the movie Die Hard..........."Oh my God the quarterback is Toahst"
From the arcade game Pacman, the sound Pacman makes when he gets caught.
From a famous Billy Joel song "Pressure"

Now I could go on and on. I could discuss some of the biggest chokes in sports history like Phil Mikelson in the 2006 U.S. Open, the New York Yankees in the 2004 ALCS or almost every Sacramento King game this year. I won't.

This time R.E. Dad choked. I take full responsibility and I guarantee one will happen again!


Bee and Rose said...

That. is. so. FUNNY!

I choked on my coffee laughing over your post! My 6 yr old actually "outed" me and my husband at Olive Garden once. I said "Do you know what me and Daddy are gonna do when we get home?" (yeah, I know..I walked right into it..the answer was hang Christmas lights...) Cat pipes up..."Share a kiss? Have sex?" WHAT!!!! I didn't even know she knew that word!!! Of course, the waitress was right at the table for the fun!

phd in yogurtry said...

Yeah, but you're really good at thinking up sound effects! That counts for something in this whole birds and bees debacle, doesn't it?

And I vote for Mikelson's choke at the biggest. Only because I was watching that one.

Wonderful World of Weiners said...

Very very funny!!

And are proposing we trade snow for taxes? I am totally up for that!! Getting 6-10 inches of the crap tomorrow on top of the million inches we have already.

I want to cry.


cw2smom said...

Toooo funny! Kids can be so literal! She's growing up Dad! You are in for a ride! Blessings, Lisa

Michelle said...

Our 9 year old asked her Daddy a few days ago what a tampon was for. He said she needed to ask Mommy. I don't know a single Dad who doesn't choke under that kind of pressure.

Sunny said...

Hey, Happy Birthday to you! Hope, you're having fun!

A Free Man said...

I doubt you're the first and you certainly won't be the last, because I'm coming up behind you.*

* That's what she said.

Jess said...

LMAO! That is great! I am 100% sure my Dad avoided that conversation with me...I only remember Mom speaking to me about such things...still makes me giggle to think about your face though!