Summer has arrived: Random Tuesday Thoughts

Summer has arrived for R.E. Dad....basketball and hockey have both crowned a champion, FINALLY! Perhaps next year one of my teams will stumble into the playoffs. Yeah, believe me I'm not going to hold my breath for ten minutes or even worse pre-purchase seats from Ticketbastard. By the way, the grab button has been provided today by "The Un Mom." Drop by her blog and say "Howdy."

I've been considering re-naming my blog "The Blog About Nothing"......think about it. Come on, Sunday my post was a Gummy Bear video.

I have a new Melman in my life....the keyless remote for my car requires about 1 million PSI to do its thing. My thumb ain't strong enough to make the unlock and lock buttons respond in a timely manner. I've received some very undeserved and quite hurtful stink eye from members of my own family, Mom MD included.

Do you think that people who go out to dinner in the Netherlands really whip out the pocket calculator after the bill arrives, and say "I had the chef salad and iced tea, here's my money and I won't pay one euro more! I'm Dutch and proud of it!"

California parking lots are terrible. Compact spots abound, but most of us still drive minivans, SUV's and larger trucks. Tight spaces, poor visability and perpetual headache are the norm. What REALLY is the point? All I get are dinged doors and more aggravation. Hey, an idea...how 'bout we pretend that it snows so we get one huge blacktop with some painted lines? We don't need more trees in parking lots. This just creates more opportunity for birds to crap on our ride.

Speaking of California. The state lawmakers recently banned hand held cell phones while driving. Guess they thought that this was a major distraction which could have dire consequences. Perhaps, but why not go further...ban children while driving. Any parent will tell you that it's easier to eat with chopsticks while driving than having kidlets bouncing and wailing behind you.

Speaking of kids. Do you think toy companies calculate how long it takes the average parent to cut, tear, stab, rip and mutilate that hard plastic packaging that holds their little darling's newest toy hostage? At our house we probably lose an hour of our Christmas morning opening those damn things. Someone find a toy representative. Ask them if a parent has ever gone postal or worse tossed a Susie-poops-a-helluva-lot in the fireplace attempting to pry open that dreaded packaging?

Speaking of crabby. The hermit crab IS still alive. In my opinion, we're pretty decent hermit crab keepers. Recently a letter to the editor in our local paper blasted the people who were allowing hermit crabs to be used as prizes at the Strawberry Festival saying that they are "delicate creatures" and need a great deal of care (not to be taken lightly). Huh? So, should all potential hermit crab owners be required to obtain a permit? What about babies? Any idiot can have one of them without a license.

Finally, the triplets have evolved from "potty talk" to "body talk." Yes, we're talking about private parts almost as much as Howard Stern.

So much for "Random Tuesday Thoughts" - welcome to Summer '09.

The Melman - Life's little irritant.

I'm going to pick on Melman from the movie "Madagascar" or as the triplets say "outta gas car." He's the annoying as crap little toy giraffe that was included in Mickey D Happy Meals a couple of months back.

If you've boycotted McDonald's, don't have kids or can get away with just ordering off the $1 menu (lucky you), here's the story. Some genius in the promo department working with a toy manufacturer in China developed and built (in mass quantities) Melman and his fellow zoo escapees to speak (presumably lines from the movie Madagascar II).

These tiny plastic monsters have an internal sensor that blurts out drivel when touched, moved or shaken. The first time is cute, but within about 30 seconds the novelty expires (10 seconds with triplets, do the math). Upon arriving home, the toys scatter ending up in various baskets or boxes, under a bed or in the doll house.

Fast forward to this morning. I'll tell you now that I'm generally easy going and have a ton of patience. In the case of the kids, many times I'm able to tune them out (usually by singing or simply going in the other room, closing the door and watching TV). OK, I don't do the latter too often. Anyway, over the course of the last two months while picking up and throwing toys into baskets throughout the house, a Melman has belted out his three infamous lines "What are we going to do?"...."OW OW OW!"...."You really need a doctor!" Today I snapped!

Do you have "Melmans" in your life? Maybe it's a flickering fluorescent light under a kitchen cabinet, an alarm that goes off everyday at 1PM somewhere in the house, or a pile of junk in your closet that you have to step around just to get to your clothes. These minor irritants are mine actually, but I haven't snapped (at least not at the time of this posting).

So what did I do with all the Melmans? I found four in the house. Well, I had corralled them and was heading for the trash compactor when I discovered a small on/off switch on their tiny bellies.....damn, was it really this simple? Moral of the story, don't let your minor irritants or "Melmans" get the best of you. Look, listen and take action. Sometimes the solution is simpler than you realize.............Best of luck.