A Future Shocking!

I woke up early this morning with a feeling of pending dread. No, not for the near future, but instead the seemingly-but-really-not-so-distant future....Spring 2022. In case your math ain't so good like my grammar, I'm projecting 10 years into the future.

I'll assume that my wife & I are still healthy at 54, the Earth hasn't been struck by a meteor or the liberals haven't succeeded in drafting a "Brave New World." My oldest daughter will have (hopefully) graduated college and my triplets will be about to graduate high school. My Mom will be elderly and my wonderful poodle girl will not be so youthful if at all still alive. I will be 15 years removed from the mortgage biz and completely bored out of my gourd, kind of like today.

Seriously, the United Negro College people had it right when they said "a mind is a terrible thing to waste." This applies to not only black youth, but old white guys too. What the heck am I doing? What the hell am I going to do? I am not as stupid and lazy as my current situation presents. I was good at what I did. I was a contributing member of the corporate world back in 2007. I am better than this. I will be better than this. I promise.

To be continued.............please!

Wordless Wednesday - Some resemblance?

What bugs me a whole hellava lot!

Danger! Possible R.E. Dad rant coming.

OK, I thought I was over giving a crapola with regards to the beliefs and actions of acquaintances, neighbors, friends and even strangers. After all what individuals do with their own time and moola shouldn't concern me. Not my biz. Shoulder shrug. Whatever man. Go ahead, water your freakin' lawn in the rain. See if I care?!

I ain't perfect. Apparently, neither is my grammar. I've made lapses in judgement and done 'stuff' I would never tell your grandmothers (mine are both deceased), let alone my best friend. I believe it's in John 8 of the Bible that states "he who is without sin among you, let him toss the first stone.."

I've sinned and if I were Catholic, I'd probably have done a few hundred "hail marys" in my lifetime. My moral compass doesn't always point me in the right direction, but I'm making an effort. Seriously...believe me!

What's been bugging me a whole hellava lot lately? This whole B.S. about strategic foreclosures. You know when an individual can make his freakin' mortgage payment, but chooses not to. Just go belly up baby. Better yet dude or dudette, walk away you're just sticking it to the lender man who misled you in the first place.

I understand underwater mortgages. Trust me. I understand unforeseen circumstances beyond one's control (e.g. death, divorce) might necessitate default. Believe me.

Has America Lost Its Moral Compass? Honestly, I'd be embarrassed to tell someone that I intentionally defaulted on a loan that I could pay. I shook a hand. I signed a contract. No excuses. Rationalize it all you want. Seriously, I could rationalize that medicinal marijuana works well for helping my mood swings during male PMS.

As Mom MD might say "really? really!"

Happy Birthday Beautiful Brenna!

Mom MD mentioned that part of my job as an at-home Dad was to blog . So I'll attempt to keep it going.

Today, however, I wanted to wish a Happy 12th Birthday to my wonderful bright and soon-to-be teenage daughter, Bren Bren.

Your family loves you lots...R.E. Dad.

P.S. The treadmill is coming very soon!!!!!!!

I'm still alive....

I could say that my wife and I produced a baby during the vast nine months since my last post, but alas this is not the case.


Where have I gone? What am I doing? Why have I seemingly abandoned all that is the blogosphere?


Answers are simple, yet complicated. Simple as I'm still where I've always been, doing next to nothing productive or measurable in any quantitative way, but with two hands and eyes affixed to the latest all consuming social networking sites 24/7.


Complicated? Sure. Since I last worked for the man on August 23, 2007...my life has been a series of mid-life phases. Blogging from September 29, 2008 to October 4, 2009 arguably was one of those phases along with the Shall-I-Go-Right-Back-To Work Phase?, the Back Surgery and Rehab Phase, The Green Phase, The Ultra-Conservative Phase and The Facebook Phase. As a blogger, I've sought validation as a writer, a husband, a father and a human being.


After nearly three years, I'm no longer on the sidelines watching the game of corporate America unfold wishing to charge back onto the field at the first nod from my coach. I'm sitting on a bench far away from the action with my eyes looking up into the stands....


I'm not bitter. I'm not depressed. I'm not angry. I'm simply a stay-at-home parent who happens to be a man. I've volunteered in the classroom and for a few school events. Looking around the kids' school, I'm seeing many others like me (well most don't have a penis, but I can't hold that against them). They've accepted me. I'm not an outsider. I'm not a threat. I'm the dad.


More and more I hear "How fortunate are you to be able to be involved in your kids' lives?" So true. The triplets turn six in June. Brenna turns twelve in 10 days. Activities abound including T-Ball for Alec and Julia, dance for Vivian and Brenna, and piano for Brenna. Brenna recently finished her school play where she played "Mrs. Potts" in the Broadway Jr. version of "Beauty and the Beast."


Oh, and I guess that remark in the first paragraph isn't completely accurate. We do have a new baby. Her name is "Gigi" and she's a beautiful black standard poodle...doodle.

Yadda yadda

So I've been on Facebook way too much recently attempting to craft cutesy retorts, post family pics from here to timbucktoo, and play junior detective and locate colleagues from six jobs ago. The social networking phenomenon continues. One can only wonder what life will be like ten years from now? Maybe we will be keeping tallying of new friends we meet outside the Internet as opposed to old friends we find on The Net. This would be significantly more challenging......... especially for R.E. Dad.

OK, I'm wondering why on all these American reality talent shows is the British judge the only one who can be honest and tell it like it really is? Is this why we have TWO British judges on "America's Got Talent?" Can't Americans be critical of other Americans? To me this is a slap in the face of ALL Americans to have the Brits critique our national talent shows. The U.S. population is 5x that of the U.K. Would you find American judges on British, Chinese or Australian talent shows? Heck NO, mate.

So did President Obama really believe that a last minute flight across the pond to plead his case for Chicago to host the 2016 Summer Olympics could sway the committee? I believe the Brazilian president had been campaigning, selling, pleading and begging the olympic committee to give Rio the nod for well over a year. Mr. President, please get back to more pressing issues like the economy or Iran.

Baseball playoffs are coming this week! I absolutely love this time of year. The cool crisp autumn air combined with the win or go home intensity being played out in eight major league cities is something to behold. In baseball and unlike the NBA, any team including a Wild Card can run the table and grab the glory. Go Cardinals!

Back to Facebook....has anyone ever been "de-friended?" I actually was and can't figure out why? I mean I have blocked a few people who wanted me to be their friend, but why why why did someone strike me off their list? Turns out after hours of analysis after realizing that my friend count had decreased, the person who de-friended me was someone I'd gone to high school with and knew for many years prior to this. Could it have been this blog, my political views, my cyber breath or was it an accident? I need to know. Yadda yadda. To be continued.....

Back from NYC, Letterman & stuff.

I've been away so long that I almost forgot my password to re-enter the blogosphere. Fortunately after a few tries I got it right. So where have I been the past 3 weeks? Well, last week I was in New York City doing everything tourist. I had been to NYC a couple times, but never for more than a few days.

We visited The MET, MoMA, The Guggenheim, and the American Museum of Natural History. Such incredible museums full of priceless collections! We were absolutely overwhelmed, but beyond thrilled and honored to have the opportunity to tour such American treasures.

We attended the Broadway musicals 'Billy Elliot' and 'Chicago.' Both were brilliant. Live shows on Broadway with the best of the best acting, dancing, singing, directing, choreography, acoustics, etc. in an intimate setting have no comparison in the world of entertainment. It is truly the major leagues without cavernous stadiums, expensive cheap beer and blaring music.

Speaking of MLB, we saw the Yanks vs. the BoSox at the new Yankee Stadium. Definitely, not the "House that Ruth Built".... but a beautiful sports stadium none-the-less. Unlike the new Cowboys Stadium the jumbo tron or whatever you call it wasn't located in the middle of the field, but was incredible to watch.

So, now back home to my reality. Mom MD is back to work, the triplets are in Kindergarten, and Brenna is trucking through 6Th Grade. Unfortunately, the bratty girl from last year is in her class this year and is still up to her 'old tricks', but we're addressing the issue with her teacher and hopefully can get her to leave Bren alone once and for all!

So what's this extortion attempt towards David Letterman? Even though I contend that this is the type of distraction that tends to turn Americans away from the really important issues of the day, I think it's fascinating. I can't believe that Letterman broached the whole enchilada in front of his studio audience, who by the way thought the story would be funny!!!

While in New York last week, Mom MD and I attended a Letterman taping. As a member of the audience you are instructed to laugh and applaud each and every joke (whether you understand what the heck was just said or not). Any other type of sound is frowned upon big time. After watching last night and knowing what I know about audience participation and expectations, the confession in which Letterman interjected humor felt beyond awkward and would have been very uncomfortable for the audience especially after they had been drawn in to laugh at everything Letterman says.......that's all I have to say 'bout that.

9/11/01 Before and After

September 11, 2001 forever changed America. Even though dozens of acts of terrorism had been occurring over and over throughout the globe for many years, Americans collectively chose to keep our fat heads buried in the sand. Those same shining towers in Lower Manhattan were bombed in 1993. No big deal, right? After all, the north tower didn't collapse and fall into the south towers as planned and only six souls perished with just around 1000 injuries....

Give me a break. This along with scores of other events should have been our wake-up call. Instead, we chose to worry about the destruction of our computers at the dawn of Y2K and felt compelled to know how much action President Clinton really did get while working OT in the oval office?

I probably was as guilty as anyone. Back in 2001, a much smaller R.E. Dad family lived in West Hartford, CT patiently waiting for Mom MD to complete her residency. If you aren't familiar with one of the most beautiful towns in these United States, West Hartford lies in the central section of Connecticut about 125 miles from Manhattan.

That horrific day, I remember grabbing my daily cup of joe and salt bagel from Brueggers Bagels at the town centre, and driving a couple miles south on Main Street to reach my office in time for work at about 8:30. I still recall remarking to the lady who sat in the adjacent cubicle at how gorgeous it was that morning. A bright sunny sky combined with a cool breeze gave me the incredibly comforting feeling that it was simply a fantastic time to be alive. I remember logging into my computer, eating my breakfast, opening up my first file, and then...............

A female co-worker runs by and says a plane has run into the World Trade Center. My first thought was that it must have been a small plane like the one that recently collided with a helicopter in NYC over the Hudson River. An accident, right? We quickly locate and turn on our training TV.

Oh my God, live on a grainy old TV we see a commercial plane run smack into the other tower. No pilot error. This is an act of terrorism. Who and why? Pre-9/11, I honestly believed everyone on Earth loved the United States...the only remaining superpower. After all, we provide food, medicine and military support to anyone anytime with no questions asked..at least so I thought.

The days that immediately followed were gut wrenching....so much carnage. Friends and relatives frantically searched for their loved ones. Videotape of the plane flying into the tower, the gaping hole in the Pentagon, and the collapsing of the once mighty giants ran 24/7. We couldn't stop thinking of the terror that those innocent souls who were flying on the four hijacked planes must have felt. We felt sorrow, but our mourning turned to anger. We wanted revenge.

We had been violently shoved off the top of the mountain. We weren't invincible. We couldn't just ignore the rest of the planet. This was the new reality. Fast forward to 9/11/09.

We as Americans can NOT return to Pre-9/11. Please do not let this happen. Too much has been sacrificed. Too many of our fellow citizens including New York's Bravest and Finest were lost that day. Our military continues to fight overseas in harms way for our freedom. Please remember this day and take nothing for granted. We are the best country in the world. Don't forget, don't ever forget! I promise I won't.

Latest info

Forgive me Father since it has been at least two weeks since my last post. A confession might be appropriate in this circumstance I suppose, if I was Catholic and if anyone truly cared. Well, I'm not Catholic, and based on my page imprints and significant increase in followers in the past few months (NOT!), I'm thinking the latter is a true statement as well.

I just don't have a shtick that causes a stampede back to my blog hour after hour, day after day. To become a super blogger, you have to have some kind of hook. I'm not a fantastic writer. I don't tell funny jokes. I'm not interested in biking. I'm not female. I'm not an academic. I don't live anywhere special.

Yes, I do have triplets and am an at-home dad, but with the proliferation of fertility drugs and the massive rise in unemployment especially among American men, this just isn't news anymore. I could dive into the debate as to whether Lady Gaga is really a man or perhaps even a hermaphrodite. Maybe I could open up a forum on universal healthcare, family budgeting or the problem with today's youth? Would you like to hear my opinions? It's like I know a little about a lot of topics, but not enough to stir a thoughtful debate.

I could revisit the career that I gave up on way too early. One that I never took too seriously. One that I was pretty damn good at doing. One that is now a distant memory.....

So this is where I am today. The kids have been in school almost three weeks. Mom MD and I are going to NYC for a week very soon, but I'm fearful of that H1N1 flu that seems to be heading in our direction. I'm tired of both the democrats and the republicans.

Actually, life is pretty darn good. I can't complain or maybe I just did. Sorry, the next post will be more upbeat.

First Day of School and stuff

Oh boy, Mom MD was not all too happy about my previous post where I mentioned that smokers can be sexy. Bad R.E. Dad! In fact to all you kids who may stumble upon this blog, please recite this message 100x "According to the Surgeon General, smoking is bad, very very bad and I'm not going to even start 'cause cancer sticks contain yucky stuff that could make my lungs look like LA in the 70's and retard my brain making me less likely to attend a mid-level university, marry a supermodel, and have a rewarding career...besides a pack of smokes cost like $8 in NYC."

Oh, and I wanted to add one additional 'Honest Scrap' - I wish that I had the ability to project five seconds into the future because I'd love to know if the person that I'm considering holding a door for intends to say "Thank You." If not, I'd have no problem letting the door go slam bam into their face.

So anyway, today was the triplets first day of Kindergarten, and the beginning of Bren's last year of elementary school. We took pictures and I've including a couple above. What was very cute was how the Kindergarten teachers came out and handed each parent a short note attached to a plastic baggie containing a tea bag and a cotton ball. The note read...

Dear Parent:

Thank you for entrusting your child to us. We promise to do our best every day to be your child's companion in learning.

After you have wiped your tears, make yourself a nice warm cup of tea. Put your feet up and relax. Then hold the cotton ball in your hand. The softness will help you recall the gentle spirit of your child. We will work alongside you this year to help your child grow.

Very sweet gesture. No tears were shed by our family, however, until I brought the note home and my Mom (the retired K teacher) read it. Here's hoping that the kids have a fantastic school year. I'm looking so forward to hearing about their first day of 2009/2010.

Honest Scrap!

Jess tagged me like forever ago to complete the Honest Scrap which of course I neglected to do, and now I have to live with the fact that I totally missed the boat (i.e. the award ceremonies).

Let's take a stab at this....

1. I've had more pedicures than I've golfed. Metrosexual debate aside...you tell me - which sounds more relaxing?

2. I was known to sing "Big Balls" by AC/DC on occasion at our college parties.

3. Half my brain believes a smoking woman is super sexy, the other half knows that it also causes cancer, emphysema, yellow teeth, wrinkles and bad breath.

4. I'm convinced that more Netflix "Chick Flicks" ended up being scratched and unplayable then the typical testosterone enhanced drama. I can appreciate a woman who not only can hold her liquor, but a DVD as well.

5. I still haven't been able to convince my Mom that I was a fat kid (as a significantly higher percentage of kids are fat these days, I was ahead of my time, I suppose).

6. Diets are much less complicated than most people realize. You simply burn more calories than you consume.

7. I'm definitely not for more governmental regulations, but I believe that lowering the drinking age to 16 and increasing driving age to 21 would significantly reduce auto accidents. Just beware of drunk teens on bikes.

8. Sean Connery was my favorite James Bond. Although "The Spy Who Loved Me" with Roger Moore was my favorite James Bond movie.

9. Speaking of a former bonds, Pierce Brosnan in "Mamma Mia" was by far the worst singer that I've ever seen in a movie.

10. The only pet I've had in the past eight years is a hermit crab, but keep in mind I have triplets!

This was kind of fun.......

Random Tuesday Thoughts: Late on a Tuesday Afternoon

Time for yet another installment of R.T.T., yeah you know me! (my apologies, old very inside joke). I'm a tad punchy today and I can't say why?

Anyway, what's with the United States Postal Service? Back in the not-so-distant past in a previous career, I was the first to refute any claim that a lost or delayed letter was clearly a postal error. As my Mom might say "they're all messed up!" Why do I say this? Consider that both my Mom and I put a stop on delivery while on vacation a few weeks back. When we returned, both of us had other people's packages (O.P.P) and mail delivered to us. Wouldn't you be concerned that maybe, just maybe your mail could end up someone else's box? I am. This is beside the fact that for a few years I've received mail for my deceased father, and a Madeline with the same last name spelled differently who actually purchased my Mom's house nine years ago!

Why do my neighbors break the CC&R's? Call me crazy, but some prospective buyers specifically search for homes in subdivisions where homeowners do not allow their friends and relatives to park their R.V.'s on the street in front of their homes. We were such buyers. We don't appreciate having boats, business trucks and tow trailers on the street or the driveways for that matter........it's against da rules. I do not have a problem with grown-up toys, but please go live on a street that people aren't concerned about it or move further out onto some acreage.

I'll have to admit that Disneyland might be the "Happiest Place on Earth" after all. Seriously, when the family went a few weeks back, we had an absolute blast. The five-year olds walked the entire day and went on (almost) every ride we threw them on. No fear, no crying except after the Indiana Jones ride when Vivi said kind of a matter of factly "Daddy, that was scary...let's not go on that ride again." Lines were long, temps were high and the wallet took a major hit, but all in all, I'd say given the smiles and excitement totally worth it.

I can't believe how quickly the summer has vanished. School begins for our sixth grader and three Kindergartners a week from today. This will be the only year that all our kids will be attending the same school. Like most parents, I've tried very hard to make this final summer week as boring as possible especially for Bren the sixth grader so she can get into that scholastic frame of mind. The triplets will actually be split up with Alec and Vivi going into one class and little miss go-getter JuJu going into the other. JuJu and Alec have no fear, but Vivi might need a slight push come the first day of school. To be continued.......

Pet Store Antics #1: I really don't hate birds.

I mentioned in an previous post that I worked for a pet store for a couple years during college. Until the past year or so I had almost completely forgotten painful hamster bites, overpriced mutts and the stench of aquarium water changes those warm cuddly creatures. Recent family excursions to the poor man's zoo our local pet stores have stirred memories filled with long hours of snagging five cent feeder fish with a freakin' holey netcustomer service with a perpetual smile.

OK, the kids want a living breathing animal and I'm trying desperately to delay the inevitable as it's common knowledge around here that R.E. Dad will feed, bathe, and pickup the shit I will be the primary caregiver. Yeah, the hermit crab has it's limits....

Enough about the present. Let's fall back into the late 80's before the big-box retailers had a strangle hold on America. I worked for a mom and pop company...we'll actually no mom just pop due to a recent divorce. This fairly young hipster dufus with zero knowledge of pet care budding entrepreneur actually owned two stores and I often found myself at the smaller store closer to campus. Now, there was a "GM" who was actually quite "petwise", but after the owner gave him a truck he seemed to spend most of his time driving to the big city to retrieve tropical fish and marijuana supplies.

Almost overnight I became the king of the dipshits unofficial assistant manager who still made about a nickel about the minimum wage. Don't get me wrong, I was NO animal expert in any sense of the imagination. In fact, I pretty much deferred questions to my fellow oppressed pet store co-workers who each seemed to specialize in a certain type of animal. Let's talk about "Bird Girl."

Bird Girl - She loved all types of birds. She hand fed birds. She trained birds. She called me at home from the store to tell me about depressed birds, lonely birds and birds under the weather. One summer evening she called to tell me about a very sick bird that had to be euthanized. I said OK, I'll snap his little neck in the morning okie dokie, tomorrow I'll shove him out the back door and hope he survives the mean streets of Chico. She said "Oh, no - you must come right now and take care of him the most humane way possible...he's in a great deal of pain."

"Uh, come again...how do you waste a bird?" *Disclaimer to all those who know this subject better than I.........this was what she told me to do......she was the bird expert, not me. Don't contact some bird rescue society, please*

So how did I do it? Well, she said to place the bird in a plastic bag, walk out to my car, turn on the engine and place the bag over the tailpipe. So I did .... and it worked bye bye birdy. Long before Jack Kevorkian became a household name, there existed a pet store employee who hoped he ended a bird's life the most humane way possible. At the very least, he earned the respect of "Bird Girl."

This was Pet Store Antics #1.............just one story of many.

Dear So and So....Numero Tres

I know that you just couldn't wait any longer. It's time for another installment of "Dear So and So." Perhaps I'll start a mini "So and So" marathon.

Dear Ju Ju,

I know you believe that those red bumps on mommy's and daddy's faces are mosquito bites. Often times that is the case, but once in awhile our faces and those of teens and adults around the globe break out causing pangs of stress, anger, bitterness, and shame. When your first pimple arrives one day in the distant future understand that we've all been there. Dermatologists don't recommend that you "put the squeeze on the zit" so to speak. This may leave permanent scars on your face.

My advice, don't listen to the doctors. The ONLY good thing about having a zit is running into the bathroom, peering into the mirror, zeroing in on the bugger and squeezing it into oblivion! Crap I probably said too much. You're only five. Hope I didn't traumatize you.

Love,

R.E. Dad

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Dear Honda Corporation,

The sticker mentioned that my '09 Pilot would probably get 22 MPG's on the highway and 16 MPG's. I realize that this is JUST an estimate, but if I drive exclusively in the city I get about 12 MPG's. That isn't too good or even close to 16 MPG's. Back when I spoke with your salesman, he liked to discuss the engine's ability to switch to three cylinders to enhance fuel efficiency, etc. I just want you to know that I'm now feeling disappointed and a bit mislead.

Perhaps you should mention that the 22/16 figure applies only when the vehicle is on cruise control and set at 50 miles per hour or coasting down a hill for the entire tank of gas. Maybe, you should add another category to highway/city.....the suburb which would include an even lower figure to account for frequent stops at school, gunning it around town to complete errands and idling in the drive thru.

Just a suggestion,

R.E. Dad

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Dear President Obama,

You're not fooling anyone with your Universal Health care ideas. Why don't you fix social security, medicaid and medicare before even considering embarking on this endeavour?

R.E. Dad

Tripletisms 8/10/09

I was just playing my new favorite game on Facebook. Nope, I'm not talking about Mafia Wars or Texas Hold 'Em. I'm referring to the "Friend Suggestion" area. After a while those 'friend' suggestions really get out of hand, so I like to see how quickly I can "x" out of them before more 'suggestions' are made by FB. Think Robert Hays' character in the 1980 movie "Airplane!" during that one scene at the airport where he ends up beating up flower children, Hare Krisnas, and anyone else who stood in his way. Why would I want to be a friend of a friend's sorority sister or a fan of the Boston Celtics?

That's right. I was going to list a couple "tripletisms." by my soon-to-be Kindergartners...

*Walking around Balboa Island last week (doggie poopy on the sidewalk)*

• Julia - "Ah, don't step in the dog poop!"
• Alec - "Gross"
• Vivi -"Super Gross"

*Yesterday morning on the patio (I'm explaining to my Mom about Julia's Nightmare)

• R.E. Dad - "She woke up crying and totally out of it"
• Grandma J. - "Nightmare?"
• R.E. Dad - "I'm thinking so, but she was totally delirious....she finally said "I shouldn't have poured all that water." "Whatever that means...????"
• Alec - (in his deep voice with a slight lisp due to a chipped front tooth) "What's a nightmare?"
• R.E. Dad - "It's a bad dream where you wake up scared and feel bad"
• Alec "Oh yeah...I had one of those last night...I see a robot in the park and he shoots me dead"
• R.E. Dad/Grandma J. - "OHHHH"
• Alec - "That's my nightmare!"

*This A.M. at Pre-school* (Vivi comes over to give me a hug good-bye)

• Vivi - "Dad you smell like a fart!"
• R.E. Dad - Vivi, I don't think I ever will smell good enough for you!!!
• Vivi - "Uh huh"

Gotta go and pick up Bren from the airport. She's returning from a week in Vegas Baby! (at her Grandma M's place)...

Miscellaneous Bologna!

How does this happen? My blog is currently the #1 hit on Google for the quote "I've been living a lie and it's time to come clean." I'm not making this up. For me, the post from which I made this lighthearted admission was meant to be comical, but for many individuals who search the Internet this quote represents a confession. These souls are dealing with emotional pain and turmoil and seek to finally alleviate their pain, suffering and guilt. As my Grandma Edna used to say "the truth will set you free..."

In case you're wondering....this isn't a lead in to a R.E. Dad confession! Heck no, any lapse in judgement leading to an incident of questionable morality or possible illegal activity will be taken to my grave, thank you! I have nothing to say. I didn't bring this up to talk about myself anyway. Just an observation. OK?

Speaking of quotes, I never realized how often Mom MD and I actually quoted lines from the late John Hughes' movies. Recently, we were stuck on that scene from "Sixteen Candles" when the handsome Jake knocks on the Bakers' front door..........

• Long Duk Dong: [opens door] Oh, I'm so sorry. I thought you my new - new-style American girlfriend.
• Jake: Forget it, man. Just get Samantha, all right?
• Long Duk Dong: She not here.
• Jake: Don't jerk me around, man. Where is she?
• Long Duk Dong: She got married.
• Jake: What?
• Long Duk Dong: She at the church. She getting married to oily bohunk.
• Jake: Married?
• Long Duk Dong: Married.
• Jake: Married?
• Long Duk Dong: Yeah. Married [closes door]
• Jake: [turns around, under breath to himself] Married?
• Long Duk Dong: Married! Jeez!

Love me the (character) Long Duk Dong. He wouldn't be "PC" in 2009, but in 1984....it was ALL good and the Earth still rotated on its axis, the birds still sang at the break of dawn, and John Hughes was creating teen movies that defined my generation. Rest in Peace Mr. Hughes. Without your vision, the only teen movies we'd be remembering from the 80's would be those Porky's movies.........Yikes!

Speaking of R.I.P, I wanted to give a shout out to my late Dad. Happy If-you-were-still-alive 75th Birthday! Brenna loves to practice on your Steinway! You'd be so proud of her like Mom MD, Grandma and I are.

Have a fantastic weekend everyone..........

Dear So and So....Numero Dos

"The reports of my death are greatly exaggerated." - Mark Twain

Oh, how I've missed the blogosphere the past couple weeks. No, I haven't died or worse found outside-the-house employment. The family recently returned from a week at the beach down in So. Cal. My Mom decided many moons ago that a vacation down on the tiny resort island named Balboa near Newport Beach would represent an excellent family escape from the ordinary. So she sprung for a place and the rest they say is history, but might I add our family's trip....was extraordinary!

Now back to the "Dear So and So" created and inspired by Kat who has chosen Fridays as her day to correspond to the various "so and so's" in her neck of the woods across the pond.

Dear owner of the Shell gas station in remote area off Interstate 5,

We realize times are difficult and the other two gas stations at this exit have closed, but pony up the $1,500 to fix the compressor on the A/C. The young man Mom MD spoke with works 10+ hour days/6 days per week during the hottest times of the day. Customers come and go quickly and it isn't too much of an inconvenience to use the hand dryer instead of paper towels in the bathroom, but this guy is minding the store ALL day. Please give him a break not to mention a decent health care plan.

R.E. Dad and Mom MD

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Dear TSA at Orange County Airport,

I know you were only doing your "duty", but you absolutely broke my five-year old son's heart when you confiscated his brand new snow globe after searching his tiny backpack. Alec probably spent twenty minutes looking for the perfect souvenir to bring home from Disneyland. Yes, I suppose the liquid volume was slightly above 3 oz, but I highly doubt a sealed globe with pirate treasure and floating gold flakes posed any threat to national security. Rules are rules I suppose, but I'm thankful I wasn't there or I'd probably be writing this from jail.

R.E. Dad

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Dear Three Sisters who bought Mom's house,

My Mom might be one of a few surviving members from the generation that values honesty and integrity above all else....when issues were either black and white..... who understood the significance of eye contact, a verbal agreement and a firm handshake.....a generation that might include the oldest baby-boomers up to the youngest from the "greatest" generation.

Even though you're old, I refuse to include you. You didn't treat my Mom the way she deserved or expected to be treated. In fact, she probably let her guard down BECAUSE she thought you three were just like her. Mom was mistaken.

What am I talking about? Oh yeah, I'm referring to the $4000 credit she "gifted" you for the phantom repairs that weren't necessary. Remember how you said the roof needed replacing and the heating and air conditioning needed to be repaired? Wrong cupcakes! The roof dude actually said the roof had three plus years of life remaining and my Mom FIXED the A/C three days before she moved out despite you having a Home Warranty in place. Did your agent even mention this to you? Did she ask nicely if the $500 repair to the A/C could come off the $4000 "credit for nothing?"

This was the same agent who FORGOT to check the requirement for Section 1 repairs and begged our agent to not tell you (to save face). Back to the $4K...turns out this money went directly to your contractor via escrow to help defray the cost to YOU for a new kitchen. By the way, thanks for rubbing that in my Mom's face as well. I have to say that it was very difficult for Mom to "sign and approve" a contractor's bid that had NOTHING to do any repairs knowing that her money went directly to your remodel.

Hope you don't burn yourself on your new stove

R.E. Dad

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**For my readers.....sorry about the r & r, but my Mom wouldn't let me send a "real" letter to the sisters or their awful agent.**

For every positive event, there's an equally negative event......

Honestly, I'm having one of those weeks where so many positive, uplifting, and gratifying events are followed immediately by equally negative events.... complete downers that quickly turn my smile into a frown. Knowing that life often seems like a random sequence of events, I'm guessing over the course of one's lifetime...the pluses and minuses balance each other out like debits and credits on an accurately completed accounting statement.

What is so bizarre is how short lived my celebrations seem to be. Almost like "Yes I WON the lottery" to just a nanosecond later stepping off a cliff and plunging to my death on the jagged rocks below. OK, that's a bit extreme, but seriously....it has been a bizarre week of nice ups and quick downs.

Today was the last straw. I was waiting to get a haircut at Supercuts (don't ask) when I read that my beloved Cardinals just traded for Matt Holliday, a three-time All Star who will hopefully take them over the hump and lead them back into the playoffs. Ecstasy for the sportsboy, right? Yes, but just a few minutes later I'm sitting getting my haircut, and for the first time in umpteen years, a stylist tells me that I have dandruff! NO freakin' way I say. More on this later.

Now, earlier this week I was leaving Bren's and Vivi's eye doctor in midtown. I had just talked the parking attendant into reducing my parking fee from $2 to $1 because in all seriousness we were there from 2:42 to 3:44, and parking was $1/hour. I was like "it took me those two extra minutes just to find the exit out of this bloody lot." Completely satisfied and wondering whether to invest or save that extra dollar I turned from the lot onto the street and a crazy lady flagged me down.

She had to be a 'tweaking' meth or some type of drug addict. After slamming on the brakes and reluctantly rolling down my window she asked me to either watch her kids or give her some money because her car was broken down and she needed to take the bus. She was probably 35, but looked 45, filthy as all heck and had a hospital bracelet which was crumpled, partly torn and dirty. I didn't see any kidlets nor did I see a broken down car. This was a tough decision, but without being witness to any event, after reading "Beautiful Boy" and with my two young girls in the car I decided that I had to leave. I said no, rolled up my window and hit the gas. Safety was the most important consideration in making my decision, but I still felt guilty.

My final incident was a bit less serious, but more physically painful. Vivi asked if we could go to the pet store on our way home. I really really didn't want to go as I needed to come home and do Facebook or blog fold laundry. I'm like "how 'bout a piece of gum instead?" She said "yes." I said "YES!" Of course, while celebrating a victory over a five-year old I reached for the gum, and sliced my thumb on the side of the gum package........paper cut, paper cut!

In conclusion, I'm NOT going to jump for joy for awhile. I won't even smile or present a hint of a smirk. No way. I'll put on my poker face until this positive vs. negative, plus vs. minus, or whatever you choose to call it goes away.....

As for me, right now I'm going to hit the shower scrub my scalp and start using the expensive "product" that everyone else in this house uses...I'm going wean myself off the Kirkland brand for good!!!!

Guess What I Am?

Let's play a quick game. I'll give you three words to describe a brand or name of something. You tell me what I'm talking about.

1. Plastic
2. Unscented
3. Super

HMMMMM, tough one?

**Update: K and J, you are absolutely correct. Aunt JB, you were certainly on the right track. BC, you're silly 'cause silly p is not made out of plastic...at least it wouldn't make sense if it was??

Since I've become House Beotch and have had to run 'that' errand on occasion I've never seemed to get it right....I've brought home cardboard when plastic was requested...scented when unscented was asked for....and finally regular instead of super. This is more difficult than finding irrigation system replacement parts at the Home Depot or a very specific rare ethnic ingredient at Safeway...

Alas, after her slamming my head against the wall helpful words of encouragement, I've finally found an E-A-S-Y way to remember...I just go by the first letters of the three words listed above. They certainly point me in the right direction... I'll never forget again. Thanks for playing along.

Let's mix it up a bit - a controversial topic.

Debate over California's Prop 8 which amended the California constitution to define marriage between a man and a woman continues to rage and thus polarize citizens of the "Golden State." The Sacramento Bee had an article this A.M. about a proposed bill that would recognize gay marriages from other states.

As some of you know, I lean to the right both fiscally and socially. I don't believe one can be fiscally conservative, but socially moderate. I also realize that it isn't chic to champion conservatism, but I decided to comment anyway.........

"Doesn't tolerance and acceptance of gay marriage fall into the belief of Federalism? Beneath federal laws (enumerated powers) each state comprised of various groups of people has the authority to determine the will of the majority based on beliefs, values, etc. Therefore, if you're offended by smoking, don't live in North Carolina. If you hate paying more taxes live in Nevada, Florida, New Hampshire, etc. If you are repulsed by the death penalty, don't live in Texas. If you hate farmers don't live in North Dakota. If you love to drive fast live in Montana.

My point? You have a choice to live in ANY state that you choose keeping in mind that every state is unique, has different customs, demographics, and laws. Just like I wouldn't go to Alaska and ask fisherman to stop fishing or move to Nevada and expect the gaming industry to end gaming...I wouldn't move from Massachussetts to California and expect Californians to change what the majority BELIEVES IN and that is marriage between a woman and a man."