Last Chance Workout

  

I bet no one saw this chicken wing coming.   I'm a huge "Biggest Loser" follower. What I mean is that I'm a fan of the show, not overweight.  I watch the peacock network at 8 P.M. (7 Central) every Tuesday.  I blame Mom MD for grabbing the rib and making me try it.  Often times, we'll order out, make mixed drinks and plant ourselves on the couch in anticipation of watching sadistic trainers working out the hungry contestants until they toss their cookies.  Oh yeah, and sometimes we pick up useful workout or eating tips.

Speaking of "Loser", today was my Last Chance Workout at Cal Fit prior to our childless Sunshine State vacation next week.  Mom MD and I had vowed to eat smarter in '09 which meant less drinking, no desserts, fewer carbs,  more fruits and veggies, etc.  In a nutshell, we'd make better food choices one meal at a time reducing calories and hopefully over time lose some poundage. 

Unfortunately, somewhere in between Valentine's chocolate and my birthday cake (had to buy that very tasty, but extremely large sheet cake from Costco for ONLY $16.99), we fell off the "eat smarter in '09" wagon.  Ouch, I swear it was like being hit on the melon and forgetting how to do everything!

Like the Last Chance Workout on "Loser" where the contestants huff, puff and nearly expire immediately before the final weigh-in for the week, I was at MY Last Chance Workout this morning prior to hitting Miami Beach in a couple days.  My hope was to melt away a couple pounds of butter  and maybe be closer to bathing suit worthy (OK, I've never been remotely close to bathing suit worthy even when I was a much younger cracker jack).

After I'd exhausted  every ounce of energy during my Last Chance Workout, I decided to hang out in the dry sauna for awhile and test my knowledge of TV on my IPOD'S IQUIZ trivia game. Speaking of....how the hell did I know that Sophia from the "Golden Girls" was born in Cicily, but I didn't know the two dates on "Friends" when Chandler broke-up with Janice?   Anyway, after several trivia failures I decided to take a page out of Mom MD's book and do some sauna eavesdropping.

Two guys/One young lady (in their 20's) were discussing what they'd been up to lately including piercings, tattoos, and job prospects.  One guy mentioned that he was attending some type of paramedic school on Saturdays. What he said next almost made me choke on my gum, stop pretending to play Trivia and say something like what the f#$k? 

He said he hated needles (made him faint to get a shot) and couldn't stand the sight of blood (made him squeamish and practically faint to have blood drawn).  He then mentioned that he hoped to eventually get over it.  Uh, dude, young man or whatever....you don't get over this stuff.....either you can handle it or you can not handle it....are you effen crazy?  R.E. Dad has the same issues.  Don't waste your time.  Teach or become a CPA.  Anything else.

I say this in all honesty....I probably would have gone into medicine (of some kind) had I NOT been like the young man in the sauna and of course been way more intelligent!  I'm not going to call him a "Loser" because he's trying to discover the right career path and perhaps I'm wrong & he will overcome his issues.  Good luck my young friend and hey at least you and your friends were bathing suit worthy!  Savour your youth.

What the triplets were saying this weekend......

Vivi - as she stands up in the bathtub with washcloth in hand and an arm up in the air "I'm going to wash my pits."

Alec - as he stands naked in the bathroom about to step into the tub "My wanky doodle is going to grow and hit the ceiling" (don't ask me how we started calling "it" a wanky doodle).

Julia - as she's about to place a second doughnut on her plate with Mom MD inquiring as to the necessity of an extra hunk of fried fat & sugar "Well Mom, I'm going to share this one with myself."

In no way could I possibly make these up.

Dad Chokes Under Pressure

Today was THAT day in the life of my oldest child. A right of passage so to speak for the elementary school student. Yes, today Bren's 5th grade class had the S-E-X talk. Mom MD and I were under the impression that the discussion (for girls) would deal with the menstrual cycle and various products required to meet those demands for "that time of the month." You can see that I'm NOT in my comfort zone here, so bear with me.

Here's a excerpt from our conversation as I picked her up from school.

Bren: "I had a good day"
R.E. Dad: "Good, glad to hear it...let's go get some yogurt"
Bren: Pulls out "the package" of female health products
R.E. Dad: "Oh, you had your health talk today.....how did it go?"
Bren: "Great, but they also told us how babies are made....SO GROSS"
R.E. Dad: Caught way off guard and making a face "Ewwww"
Bren: "Dad, if you think that it's so gross, why do you do it with Mom?"
R.E. Dad: Gulp...."So how was the rest of your day?"

From the movie Die Hard..........."Oh my God the quarterback is Toahst"
From the arcade game Pacman, the sound Pacman makes when he gets caught.
From a famous Billy Joel song "Pressure"

Now I could go on and on. I could discuss some of the biggest chokes in sports history like Phil Mikelson in the 2006 U.S. Open, the New York Yankees in the 2004 ALCS or almost every Sacramento King game this year. I won't.

This time R.E. Dad choked. I take full responsibility and I guarantee one thing.......it will happen again!

"Random Thoughts" by R.E. Daddy

The two week fog preventing yours truly from meaningful blogging creativity lifted yesterday morning. Oh, thank heaven for small favors! Even though I was unceremoniously awakened by the swift dragging of door on carpet and the subsequent swooshing of two little feet, I had already reached the pinnacle of the morning's dream..........euphoria!......

Just so we're clear, I'm a few days shy of 41, NOT 14. I'm actually alluding to that high school fantasy all too common among guys on the downside of 18. Again, STAY FOCUSED! This is the "sports" dream. The setting was as follows: Varsity basketball game, packed house, coach puts me in down by a few points.....I'm so pumped up, I'm able to run, I'm able to jump, I'm able to dunk, I'm looking into the stands, I'm feeding on the noise, I'm scoring in bunches, I'm reliving a time and place that happened to ....... someone (not me).....but I'm in a fantastic place nonetheless. Great dream!

Speaking of being "pumped up", later that morning I'm at the gym doing my cardio while watching A-Rod's press conference. In A-Rod's words... "I was young and stupid..I was young and stupid...I was young and stupid." Relative terminology aside.....DUH! Any suggestions as to what R.E. Daddy can use as an excuse for his screw-ups? I suppose that I'm too young for a "senior moment?" How about I label my shortcomings as an acute case of "tripletitis?"


Next time Alex, consider using "Stupid is as stupid does" from the movie "Forrest Gump." What a fantastic flick which, by the way, won an Oscar for best film in 1994. Do you recall the other famous line that holds a prominent place in mid-90's pop culture? Tick Tock...Tick Tock.. Correct! "Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you'll get."


Metaphorically speaking...quite thought provoking. What if you had an expert to advise you on the contents of each piece of chocolate so you would know which to chose and which to leave. I know such an expert. Mom MD worked for See's Candies for a couple years during college. To this day, "the candy nurse" can give a detailed description of each and every piece with 100% accuracy. I'm amazed at how much she knows about candy and also about cars.


Speaking of cars......Mom MD has wanted a new car for the past year. She believes that she was duped last summer when we traded in the minivan that I had been driving for a new Honda Pilot that I am now driving. She was left driving the "old" '04 Acura TSX. It's a long story which I'll reserve for a later blog. Suffice to say, she believes a car should reflect your personality and be fun to drive. To me a car is a means to get from point A to point B. I will admit satellite radio is pretty darn cool though.

Speaking of being duped....Don't you think "American Idol's" Tatiana Nicole Del Toro was totally hosed? Actually, NO I don't think so, but I will say that Mom MD and I like the new format of three groups of 12 totalling 36. What do you think? AI still hasn't "jumped the shark" in my book.

Speaking of jumping the shark....what is with "Grey's Anatomy?" The Izzie seeing Denny episodes were ridiculous. I get it that the reason is most likely caused by a brain aneurysm, but please let's conclude the storyline , and for Pete's sake, why did they have to get physical?

Speaking of ridiculous....I'm heading in that direction...I better skedaddle for now....Thanks for staying focused and reading my random thoughts.........more to follow, maybe!

(Almost) Wordless Wednesday

Oh my, can you say "Cooperation?" Grandma J gave the triplets an early Valentine's Day gift last evening....a 35-piece "Wild Animals" puzzle. I was so amazed at how well they divided and conquered (with no shouting, hitting, biting or trips to the "naughty chair") that I decided to take a picture to mark the occasion.....Good job - V, A & J!

Recent happenings and Facebook is "Electronic Crack"

I refuse to let a whole week pass by without adding at least a little something to my blog. After such a creative, well thought-out and researched entry like "The Melman", I honestly believed that I couldn't get much higher. I'm kidding, of course. In fact the other day I read an incredible entry by A Free Man that discussed human evolution and theories as to why the modern human survived and the Neanderthal perished. The two actually co-existed in Europe for a few thousand years. Weren't the Neanderthal greater in stature with larger cranial capacity?

Other updates include....

Career: I've been "at home" now for a year and a half. I received a call a few weeks back from my former supervisor back East who said that the company is interested in bringing in additional underwriters to work from home as volume has increased substantially in recent months. She didn't have all the details, but asked that I submit my resume (which I have done). This would be a full-time/temporary position....I'll keep you updated, but this would be a major change.

Personal: I'm still married to Mom MD. Bren remains the sweet, but sassy almost 11-year old who recently taught herself how to ride a bike, and is now rehearsing for the school play "Aladdin." The triplets bring us so much joy. They are at a fantastic age and we will be registering them for Kindergarten in two weeks!

Fun: Mom MD and I went to the Sacramento Kings game last Friday and had a fantastic time watching the Kings retire Chris Webber's #4! Low expectations for the current team...they played well, but LOST....no worries, just positioning themselves for a low lottery pick in June!

Neighborhood: It appears that our gay neighbors were victims of a hate crime. Some jackass poured some type of noxious chemical over a large portion of their front lawn. Haz mat came to investigate as the fumes were terrible. This is sick and inexcusable.

Electronic crack: Facebook IS "Electronic Crack" as often stated by a friend. You simply can't help yourself whether searching for a friend, uploading new pictures, chatting or joining a new group. In fact I've gone back to FB at least four times since the beginning of this entry. The fun never ends!

That is all......now back to Facebook.

The Melman - Life's little irritant.

I'm going to pick on Melman from the movie "Madagascar" or as the triplets say "outta gas car." He's the annoying as crap little toy giraffe that was included in Mickey D Happy Meals a couple of months back.

If you've boycotted McDonald's, don't have kids or can get away with just ordering off the $1 menu (lucky you), here's the story. Some genius in the promo department working with a toy manufacturer in China developed and built (in mass quantities) Melman and his fellow zoo escapees to speak (presumably lines from the movie Madagascar II).

These tiny plastic monsters have an internal sensor that blurts out drivel when touched, moved or shaken. The first time is cute, but within about 30 seconds the novelty expires (10 seconds with triplets, do the math). Upon arriving home, the toys scatter ending up in various baskets or boxes, under a bed or in the doll house.

Fast forward to this morning. I'll tell you now that I'm generally easy going and have a ton of patience. In the case of the kids, many times I'm able to tune them out (usually by singing or simply going in the other room, closing the door and watching TV). OK, I don't do the latter too often. Anyway, over the course of the last two months while picking up and throwing toys into baskets throughout the house, a Melman has belted out his three infamous lines "What are we going to do?"...."OW OW OW!"...."You really need a doctor!" Today I snapped!

Do you have "Melmans" in your life? Maybe it's a flickering fluorescent light under a kitchen cabinet, an alarm that goes off everyday at 1PM somewhere in the house, or a pile of junk in your closet that you have to step around just to get to your clothes. These minor irritants are mine actually, but I haven't snapped (at least not at the time of this posting).

So what did I do with all the Melmans? I found four in the house. Well, I had corralled them and was heading for the trash compactor when I discovered a small on/off switch on their tiny bellies.....damn, was it really this simple? Moral of the story, don't let your minor irritants or "Melmans" get the best of you. Look, listen and take action. Sometimes the solution is simpler than you realize.............Best of luck.

English slang (American-style)

**Attention Kids - this entry is intended for mature audiences - so "bug off!"


I can't resist mentioning this topic anymore. After twisting lyrics to songs and turning impersonal license plates to personalized, nothing pervades my little Reinventing Daddy mind like English slang...American-style. I realize other English speaking corners of the world maintain their own lists of slang, but these lists are not mutually exclusive and we in the U.S. have adopted (or attempted to adopt) these words and phrases as our own. Who wishes we had already incorporated "shagged" into our vernacular? I do. It seems so descriptive, so non-clinical, and not so completely vulgar.

Slang has been around almost as long as English has been around, a byproduct of a time and place, a fad and often times created by a class or subculture. For example in 1950's Minneapolis, a passage in my Dad's yearbook might read "Paul, we had a gay time this year. You are a swell fellow." Fast forward to the present, the 2009 interpretation would be FAR different than the 50's (not that there is anything wrong with that). I can't laugh because my yearbook (from the 80's) would be outdated as well "Damon, we had an ultra-bitchin' year. You're an awesome dude."

HMMM, o-kay. So, what about the ESL people? How did you learn English? Did you learn proper English first and then add the slang to your vocabulary as you went along? Is there nearly the abundance of slang in your native language? Give me your opinion and insight as I'm very curious to know the types of issues you have faced trying to learn English. Has the proliferation of slang been one such obstacle?

What if you yelled "Ouch, did you see how hard John knocked-up Larry at midfield?" Don't you see how one tiny slip-up on opposites (learned by a 2-year old in the U.S.) can affect meaning? Another spectator within an earshot might not understand your attempt at slang and "kick your butt." Seriously, "heads-up" as slang can lead to trouble (e.g. slang pertaining to street drugs or gangs).

Beyond trying to list slang terminology for the act of vomiting, I'll pick a place like....the tool bench, the garden or the kitchen to discover slang which is often derogatory, vile or related in some way to drug/alcohol abuse or sex....I'm not going to lie, these are some of the funniest. What twisted person first rummaged through a kitchen in search of cooking terms to describe someone who was high on drugs (baked, fried, or toasted).

OK for fun - see how many slang terms you can find in the following couple sentences and just for kicks I'm mixing terms from different time periods and keeping it clean......"What a far-out idea, but it's baloney daddy-o. Lay off the sauce pronto piker. Crackass commodores despite the razzmatazz are like totally hyped geek and not worth a Benjamin."