Last Chance Workout

  

I bet no one saw this chicken wing coming.   I'm a huge "Biggest Loser" follower. What I mean is that I'm a fan of the show, not overweight.  I watch the peacock network at 8 P.M. (7 Central) every Tuesday.  I blame Mom MD for grabbing the rib and making me try it.  Often times, we'll order out, make mixed drinks and plant ourselves on the couch in anticipation of watching sadistic trainers working out the hungry contestants until they toss their cookies.  Oh yeah, and sometimes we pick up useful workout or eating tips.

Speaking of "Loser", today was my Last Chance Workout at Cal Fit prior to our childless Sunshine State vacation next week.  Mom MD and I had vowed to eat smarter in '09 which meant less drinking, no desserts, fewer carbs,  more fruits and veggies, etc.  In a nutshell, we'd make better food choices one meal at a time reducing calories and hopefully over time lose some poundage. 

Unfortunately, somewhere in between Valentine's chocolate and my birthday cake (had to buy that very tasty, but extremely large sheet cake from Costco for ONLY $16.99), we fell off the "eat smarter in '09" wagon.  Ouch, I swear it was like being hit on the melon and forgetting how to do everything!

Like the Last Chance Workout on "Loser" where the contestants huff, puff and nearly expire immediately before the final weigh-in for the week, I was at MY Last Chance Workout this morning prior to hitting Miami Beach in a couple days.  My hope was to melt away a couple pounds of butter  and maybe be closer to bathing suit worthy (OK, I've never been remotely close to bathing suit worthy even when I was a much younger cracker jack).

After I'd exhausted  every ounce of energy during my Last Chance Workout, I decided to hang out in the dry sauna for awhile and test my knowledge of TV on my IPOD'S IQUIZ trivia game. Speaking of....how the hell did I know that Sophia from the "Golden Girls" was born in Cicily, but I didn't know the two dates on "Friends" when Chandler broke-up with Janice?   Anyway, after several trivia failures I decided to take a page out of Mom MD's book and do some sauna eavesdropping.

Two guys/One young lady (in their 20's) were discussing what they'd been up to lately including piercings, tattoos, and job prospects.  One guy mentioned that he was attending some type of paramedic school on Saturdays. What he said next almost made me choke on my gum, stop pretending to play Trivia and say something like what the f#$k? 

He said he hated needles (made him faint to get a shot) and couldn't stand the sight of blood (made him squeamish and practically faint to have blood drawn).  He then mentioned that he hoped to eventually get over it.  Uh, dude, young man or whatever....you don't get over this stuff.....either you can handle it or you can not handle it....are you effen crazy?  R.E. Dad has the same issues.  Don't waste your time.  Teach or become a CPA.  Anything else.

I say this in all honesty....I probably would have gone into medicine (of some kind) had I NOT been like the young man in the sauna and of course been way more intelligent!  I'm not going to call him a "Loser" because he's trying to discover the right career path and perhaps I'm wrong & he will overcome his issues.  Good luck my young friend and hey at least you and your friends were bathing suit worthy!  Savour your youth.

What the triplets were saying this weekend......

Vivi - as she stands up in the bathtub with washcloth in hand and an arm up in the air "I'm going to wash my pits."

Alec - as he stands naked in the bathroom about to step into the tub "My wanky doodle is going to grow and hit the ceiling" (don't ask me how we started calling "it" a wanky doodle).

Julia - as she's about to place a second doughnut on her plate with Mom MD inquiring as to the necessity of an extra hunk of fried fat & sugar "Well Mom, I'm going to share this one with myself."

In no way could I possibly make these up.

Dad Chokes Under Pressure

Today was THAT day in the life of my oldest child. A right of passage so to speak for the elementary school student. Yes, today Bren's 5th grade class had the S-E-X talk. Mom MD and I were under the impression that the discussion (for girls) would deal with the menstrual cycle and various products required to meet those demands for "that time of the month." You can see that I'm NOT in my comfort zone here, so bear with me.

Here's a excerpt from our conversation as I picked her up from school.

Bren: "I had a good day"
R.E. Dad: "Good, glad to hear it...let's go get some yogurt"
Bren: Pulls out "the package" of female health products
R.E. Dad: "Oh, you had your health talk today.....how did it go?"
Bren: "Great, but they also told us how babies are made....SO GROSS"
R.E. Dad: Caught way off guard and making a face "Ewwww"
Bren: "Dad, if you think that it's so gross, why do you do it with Mom?"
R.E. Dad: Gulp...."So how was the rest of your day?"

From the movie Die Hard..........."Oh my God the quarterback is Toahst"
From the arcade game Pacman, the sound Pacman makes when he gets caught.
From a famous Billy Joel song "Pressure"

Now I could go on and on. I could discuss some of the biggest chokes in sports history like Phil Mikelson in the 2006 U.S. Open, the New York Yankees in the 2004 ALCS or almost every Sacramento King game this year. I won't.

This time R.E. Dad choked. I take full responsibility and I guarantee one thing.......it will happen again!